Muff Diving

Good Lord! Is nothing safe?

First we couldn’t trust our vittles nor the water we drink.

Now it appears joyful bouts of muff diving can be fatal!

“The sexually transmitted virus that causes cervical cancer in women is poised to become one of the leading causes of oral cancer in men, according to a new study.
The HPV virus now causes as many cancers of the upper throat as tobacco and alcohol, probably due both to an increase in oral sex and the decline in smoking, researchers say.
The only available vaccine against HPV, made by Merck & Co. Inc., is currently given only to girls and young women. But Merck plans this year to ask government permission to offer the shot to boys.
Experts say a primary reason for male vaccinations would be to prevent men from spreading the virus and help reduce the nearly 12,000 cases of cervical cancer diagnosed in U.S. women each year. But the new study should add to the argument that there may be a direct benefit for men, too.
"We need to start having a discussion about those cancers other than cervical cancer that may be affected in a positive way by the vaccine," said study co-author Dr. Maura Gillison of Johns Hopkins University.
The study was published Friday in the Journal of Clinical Oncology.
Human papillomavirus, or HPV, is the leading cause of cervical cancer in women. It also can cause genital warts, penile and anal cancer - risks for males that generally don't get the same attention as cervical cancer.
Previous research by Gillison and others established HPV as a primary cause of the estimated 5,600 cancers that occur each year in the tonsils, lower tongue and upper throat. It's also been known that the virus' role in such cancers has been rising.”

To hell with paranoia. I intend to paint my taste buds with furniture shellac, spray my throat with mineral spirits or tabasco sauce, and I’m returning to the breech to give the little fellow in the boat the tongue lashing he so rightly deserves. A real man can do no other!

(..then again I may use some sort of buzzing device on the end of a long pole..)